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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Big Stinker

OK!OK! I know some women don't care to just let one rip anywhere, anytime in front of anyone BUT (Big BUT) I am not one of those!

I can remember the very first time I farted (ok who came up with that word) in front of my now husband.  We were wrestling around and he was tickling me. There were a few other people sitting just steps away. Mid tickle, a short but lout fart managed to escape. I came to a frozen halt, staring at CAB (My honey)! He realized in about a millisecond what had just happened. He then immediately took blame for the short, loud fart. YEP! He pretended like it was him. With the others just a couple steps away, I was dying inside of embarrassment! But he took all the heat! One of the many reasons I love that man!

Still to this day, unless I absolutely have no choice, I still do not fart in front of this man. I just don't. This man has watched me birth 3 children. They will outfart each other. I am just sitting over here saying 'Moms don't fart!'  (The kids believed me for awhile!!)

I have one friend that don't give one little poop (pun intended) about letting one rip in front of her man.  ANother girl told me that she goes #2 with the door open!! WHAT!!!!!???? I would never!

So what do you think? Is it ok to let one rip? Or do you like to pretend us women don't fart!!?

Wordless Wednseday jump ball

Saturday, April 5, 2014

So You Live In An Apartment

I am a Property Manager for a complex of nearly 200 units. Let me tell you, it is a different world once I enter that complex in the morning!  I seriously could write a book. Here are a few things I wanna share that I find insane!

1.  It is NOT my fault that your A/C is not working.  Screaming at me will not get it fixed any faster. IT IS ONLY 53 DEGREES OUTSIDE..OPEN YOUR DAMN WINDOWS!!!
          (Seriously, it is not even hot enough to safely run the units)

2.  There are NO original excuses for not being able to pay the rent! I have heard them all. My direct deposit is messed up, my boss didn't pay me, I  have tried calling all week but I couldn't find your number, (my office is 2 feet from your apartment!)   Try a little honesty. I would rather hear you tell me that you have to pay late and that is all. (Late fees included of course!)

3. Apartment 2 recently called the cops on Apartment 3 6 times in 3 hours. YES 6 TIMES. Because their TV was too loud. It was 6 pm on a Saturday evening.   SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! This is a multi dwelling unit. There will be noise. You signed up for an apartment. Not a private house. You will get used to most everyday noises.  This is MARCH MADNESS...If someone wants to enjoy the basketball game for 2 hours and 47 minutes, then just ride it out....it is not that serious!

4. Garbage. This has to be the one thing that I will never ever understand!!!!!! You walked your garbage all the way to the dumpster...and then instead putting the bag inside of the dumpster, you sat the bag next to the dumpster.  WHAT!!?? Please tell me the reasoning behind this!

5.  I know you have a dog. You don't want to pay the pet rent because you are "special" so you decide to HIDE your dog. Guess what. You are stupid if you think for one second that I don't know. 

Stay Tuned...I have a lot more of these to come!!!!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

The 7 Dreadful Reasons I Loathe the GROCERY

I am going to let you in on a little tidbit about myself. (OK! OK! Really it's HUGE for me!) My closests friends know and my family knows. My little ducks definitely know.....

I absolutely DESPISE, DISLIKE, LOATHE, DETEST going to the grocery store. I would rather cut off my big toe every week then endure another isle blocking, pajamma wearing, cart hogging shopper! Ok! So it sounds like I really dislike it, right?  Well yes, it is eactly what it sounds like! Please keep in mind that I am very grateful that I havethe means to weekly grocery shop. These things just annoy the crap out of me.

Read on for the top reasons I'd rather cut off my big toe!

This may come off a little negative, however, I am super sure a lot of you will be able to relate!

1. The Isle HOG.  We have all encountered this person. They have 3-4 feet of space but choose to stand directly in the middle of the isle with their cart parked crooked, therefore not allowing any shopper in wither direction any space to pass. I SCOOT OVER PLEASE! If you have to take your time in front of the pickles, that is ok. Just make room for us to be able to get our pickles also!

2. The MMM HMM person.  This person could be the Isle Hog or any of the others listed or even a regular shopper just as myself. You need to get past this person and you politely say "Excuse Me" and their response is a smart aleck, might as well roll their eyes "MMM, HMM".  SERIOUSLY! A simple "Excuse Me" in return will suffice. No eye rolling. MMM,HMM's needed!

3. The Slow Slug.  Every week when you go to the grocery, you have a list, whether mentally or literally. Most of us buy the same 20 items each week and the additions we need for this weeks menu. Basically, you know what you are getting and you know where everything is because you come every single week. I prefer to ZIP IN AND ZIP OUT.  I know what I need and I know where it is.  MOVE OUT OF THE WAY PEOPLE!

4.  The Robber.  I blame this one on the store and not the shopper. Remember when you could take in $20-$30 bucks and stock up nicely??? Yes, pick your brain, it has been awhile. Now $100 and my  cart isn't even full.** I have this expectation, $100=Overflowing cart. I try hard to change this expectaion but it is hard. Hard earned money that is!  This does make me mad. 

5.  Empty Shelf?  To me, This is a big NO NO. The sale you are advertising that started  20 minutes ago is already sold out? NO WAY. You can not convince me that you opened at 6am and are sold out by 6:20am.  This is just mind trick. I would rather something NOT be on sale, then the store pretend they are having an awesome sale.

6.  Customer Service. My husband prefers to have deli sliced turkey from the actual store deli. Every single time, I will be ignored. I know they see me. I saw them glance. This is your job.  Take a little pride in your job and offer great customer service.  Your customers will greatly appreciate it.

Worst offender
7. The SPACE INVADER. This has to be the worst offense. We all know that most of the stores now drive you towards USCAN services. I prefer them..  I have a cart full and a lane to accomodate my cart full. I scan some, bag some then scan again. This takes time. Do NOT walk up and stand right next to the register while I am still mid transaction. If you can read my screen or see what type of coupons I have, then you are way too close. How can I punch in my pin number if you are literally standing over my shoulder. THIS IS SO RUDE. Stay back. This is so disrespectful and my #1 violation.  (Secret. This causes me want to go super slowwww and take my sweet ** time. Yes it is immature.)  I post about this on my personal facebook often. Maybe I can educate someone on the matter. It really it truly rude to not wait your turn. This is a kindergarten rule.

Share your horror stories below or ways to make the grocery more pleasurable!

This is by far my least favorite chore. I usually want to order pizza after grocery shopping. Who wants to cook after all that mental anguish that just took place!

I am also a 6am shopper. I have learned after a gazillion trips, that the earlier the better!

Where am I?

Here I Am !

You know how you get busy with this thing called LIFE!? Well somehow during all of that busy, I let my own hobbies hang back with not so busy..

You know the story. I am a mom. I am a wife. I am a professional. Those things come first and then comes Just Jessica!  

I logged on this morning only to be shocked that my last post was in July.  JULY!!!!!!  I love my blog. I worked very hard to build readership and have made so many friends along the way. How did I let this life, one of my favorite ways to unwind, one of my favorite hobbies, this thing I have worked so hard on go?

Well not any longer.

Here I am! I am ready to revisit JustJess and find me in this blog world again!